I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There was a lot of him and a little penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
