You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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