I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
