the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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