...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize