Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
