genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize