Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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