420 ftw
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
