It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
