I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize