I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
