Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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