You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you never un-have a 4some
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
