You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
