She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
