There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
