i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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