I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need moral support for this bender
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
