addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
