my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
