1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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