I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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