Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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