remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
