I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
