So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
