I heard we made out
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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