we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
