His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
