are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
