im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
