Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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