I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
