You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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