Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
