Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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