you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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