lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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