You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
