I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize