I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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