Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
