I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
