i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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