I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
