Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize