She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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