i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
