You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
