6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish you could order shots online.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
