Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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