he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
