I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
