You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
