Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
