cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
