My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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