my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
