Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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