yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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