Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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