there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize