butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
