I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
