Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
