Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize