every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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