omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
