My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
