I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
