I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
