You can't special order awesome
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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