Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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