I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My penis needs a shock collar
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
