Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize