Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
