So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize