i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
