Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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