and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
