i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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