do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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