Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
