So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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