pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
