I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
