Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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