I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize