so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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