He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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