if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
