it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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