I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
