Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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