doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
