people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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