Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
