You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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