Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize