I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I could make wine with my vomit
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
