Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
