i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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