my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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