There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
