If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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