Pants 0. Shit 1.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
