i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
