Will you blow on my dice?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize