I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
