Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
