Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
