Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
