I wish my penis had an off switch
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize