We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
