My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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