so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
